A friend wrote this on my Facebook wall over the weekend:
“How is shyness different than introversion, especially when you’re a solopreneur?”
Great question!
When I first began my journey of serving introverts, I went into research mode. One of the first signs that I had my work cut out for me? When I typed in a search for “introvert” on the photography site iStock.com, they changed the search term to “shy.” (When I typed in “extrovert,” they switched it to “showing off” 
)
In most of my presentations, I start by asking the audience to share with one another what adjectives and phrases they associate with “introvert” and “extrovert.” Without fail, “shy” is linked to introversion, while “social,” “friendly” and “outgoing” are mentioned for extroversion.
The media plays into this definition by linking loners and misanthropic types with introversion. Even the respected journalist Leslie Stahl blurred the lines in a report on “Tech Titans” she did for 60 Minutes. When describing Larry Page, CEO of Google, she shared that he declined to be interviewed for the segment, and that he was known for being “shy, almost introverted.”
Her statement sets up introversion as being even further down on the spectrum of social insecurity and aloofness than even shyness.
You’d think we introverts would all be sulking in a corner, afraid, plotting everyone’s demise and imaging what life would be like if we were all mute.
Let’s start to clear things up with a few definitions…
Shy: 1. not at ease in the company of others 2. easily frightened; timid (1)
Introvert: 1. a shy person. 2. Psychology: a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings (2)
Huh… with these definitions being front and center, it’s no wonder there’s confusion!!
I understand the definition of shy. Being shy is more about fear or social anxiety. You’re at the party, and you want to join in the fun, but you’re afraid. Overwhelming anxiety keeps you from taking the risk to approach new people or situations. Shyness is a fear-based behavior that can be worked through, if one wants to choose to change it.
The first part of the definition of introvert, on the other hand, is more reflective of what society has imposed on it. We make an assumption that if you don’t just jump into the fray and start talking, if you hang around on the edges and look before you leap, that must mean you’re a shy introvert (with those two words being interchangeable, joined at the hip).
Can an introvert be shy? Is a shy person possibly an introvert? Yes on both counts. Can an extrovert be shy, reserved or even quiet? Yes to that, too! Shyness can show up for anyone when we’re in new situations, we’re around people who intimidate us or we don’t know what’s expected of us.
The second part of the definition above is much more accurate. To expand on it, here’s what another source had to say about “introversion”:
A term introduced by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe a person whose motives and actions are directed inward. Introverts tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people. ( Compare extrovert.) (3)
When we “minimize contact with other people,” we do so because we need to recharge our batteries. We have to dim and mute life for a while so we can function in a bright, noisy world.
In short, you can “get over” or “recover” from being shy.
You don’t “get over” or “recover” from being an introvert.
Now that we’ve looked at the definitions, let’s turn to my friend’s question and the relationship between introversion, shyness and solopreneurship.
Solopreneurs often encounter the very experiences that can lead to feeling shy: new situations, being around people who intimidate us, not knowing what’s expected or what’s going to happen next. Do I feel fear around those things sometimes? Heck, yeah!
And my introversion – my ease with solitude and comfort with flying solo – can lead to me to sit alone in that fear a touch longer than the average extrovert might. The fear might show up outwardly as procrastination, perfectionism or withdrawal. It becomes important that I am aware of when I’m going into hibernation mode and letting my introversion enable my fear in an unhealthy way. Instead, I can use my healthy self-awareness to see the fear for what it is and move through it. I can choose to store up my energy through nurturing activities, which gives me the power to feel the fear and do it anyway!
The bottom line need is to recognize the difference between when you’re honoring your introversion – taking time for yourself, being an observer, enjoying quiet – and when you’re feeling shy or timid.
Dare I say that honoring your introversion can help you overcome your shyness, because you’re giving yourself the space and grace to take care of your energy and show up with confidence in those shyness-inducing situations!?!?
You don’t have to jump in head-first… you can take your time and mentally prepare. It’s all in the spirit of working with your personality, not against it!
What do you think? Will we ever get to the point when we stop collapsing and interchanging the terms “introvert” and “shy”? How does your introversion help or hinder you when it comes to shyness-inducing situations? Do you consider yourself shy, introverted, both or neither? Please share in the comments!
PS: If you’re not shy about your introvert pride, you’ll want to see my new online store! T-shirts, totes and more, all designed with you in mind!
(1) Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/shy
(2) Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/introverted
(3) Dictionary.com The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2005. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/introverted
I'm a total introvert as well. People who know me and that I'm comfortable with do not believe me. It's hilarious! I love to have a good time when I'm in that zone but I need time alone to rejuvenate myself. I hate the negativity that many extroverts (and some self-degrading introverts) give to being shy and introverted. There's nothing wrong with it. Great post!
Great guidelines and encouraging words for the introvert. Being an introvert myself, I can see where different methods need to be employed in order to achieve the same results as the extrovert. But, it is possible to succeed, in spite of the common stereotype given to the introvert. We definitely have our strong points. We just need to know how to recognize them and learn how to use them. Social skills will become more natural if you are persistent at practicing them. Social media could be used as a great outlet to build confidence. I also found some other helpful tips at: http://relationshipcapital.co/op/?utm_src=bl
I guess shyness and introversion can't be the same because shyness can be easily overcome and introversion is something that needs a professional help.
You're right, they aren't the same... however, I wouldn't go so far as to say that introversion is something that inherently needs professional help. As with any aspect of our personality, we can exhibit different traits in healthy or unhealthy ways. A healthy introvert has no need for professional help (at least not for the introversion)... a healthy introvert knows how to ask for what s/he needs in terms of space, quiet, room to think and process, plus boundaries and balance between social and alone time. That person knows what to do to take care of his/her energy and can ask for it without guilt or apologies.
If someone is exhibiting unhealthy introversion, it may show up as isolation, withdrawal, stress and burn-out. And I agree, unhealthy introversion is a state that, if experienced for too long or too intensely, might benefit from professional support from a coach, counselor or therapist.
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
I absolutely believe that understanding my introversion has actually helped my shyness I experience as a child. When I embrace my introversion, I'm much more nurturing. I know I need time to regenerate. I know I can still be friendly, "extroverted" as some have said. But after several hours, I need the quiet time. When I honor this, I feel whole and complete. Thanks for the post Beth
Jen, right on! I love what you say here about embracing our introversion. It allows us to be much more compassionate with ourselves. I'm so happy for you, your awareness and your honoring of that awareness :-)
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
Great job Beth of making such a clear distinction between shyness and introversion. I am a complete and total introvert (nobody believes me though), and was shy for the first half of my life. The shyness seemed to disappear when I became more comfortable and confident in myself. I still like long stretches alone though!
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Catherine, I totally get what you mean about "nobody believes me though." What some people don't get is that we can be comfortable and confident socially, and that's made possible because we take those long stretches alone... they think alone=lonely. Two different things, as we know. Thanks for bringing that point into the conversation!
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
I guess shyness can be associated with introversion. Because introverts have hard time approaching or socializing with people and that is also true with people who are shy types. I am a bit confused with the definition of both words as well but i guess they are just the same but differs on usage only.
Hi Wedding Favors,
There is definitely confusion between the two, but they are two separate things. Shyness is an anxiety, a fear. Introversion is a personality trait that has to do with where you get your energy and how you relate to the world (from an internal perspective). By strict definition, introverts don't have a hard time socializing or approaching people - if we don't do it (and we're not feeling shy), then it's more about choice... I CAN talk to someone, I just CHOOSE not to. It's not fear holding me back... it's probably more about deciding if it's worth the expenditure of my energy or not. I might be waiting for the right moment, or sizing up the situation to see if it's safe.
For example, two people are at a party - one is introverted and the other is shy. They might outwardly look the same: quiet, apart, reserved.
But inwardly...
The shy person is hanging out on the edges because he's afraid to approach people... he wants to, but fear and anxiety prevent him from taking what he perceives as a huge risk.
The introvert is hanging out on the edges because she's getting a feel for the room and who she might want to talk to. She knows once she gets into the crowd, it will take all of her energy to be engaged and social, so she wants to be discerning about who she spends her energy on.
The shy person is not approaching anyone because of fear. The introvert is not approaching anyone out of choice.
Does that make sense? :-)
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
Extremely thought provoking....and really should be a topic of converstation, especially in the educational field, where some of the most permanent labeling takes place. I am both shy and introverted. Unfortunately, when I am overwhelmed with stimuli (physical and/or auditory), I shut down and really appear to be very shy.
This quote means a great deal to me, for I am now learning to deal with my fears:
The fear might show up outwardly as procrastination, perfectionism or withdrawal. It becomes important that I am aware of when I’m going into hibernation mode and letting my introversion enable my fear in an unhealthy way.
I am slowly coming out of hibernation!
Debbie, it's so interesting that you bring up that point about the educational field... I recently had a conversation with someone who wanted this topic discussed with teachers, because as you say, there's so much (mis)labeling going on, and a big part of assessing a student's success (present and future) is based on participation and social interaction.
Your points also make me think about what it's like to be introverted and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and how that might exacerbate a leaning towards shyness. As you say, too much stimuli and we shut down, whether we're feeling fear or not! I'm interviewing Dr. Susan Biali for my podcast next month, and I'm sure we're going to be talking about this. You might enjoy this post in particular (whether or not you are an HSP): http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions...
Congrats on coming out of hibernation... I suggest having a favorite blankie handy for when you need some comfort... I have several, and some travel with me, LOL!
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
Beth, I just read Dr. Biali's article on HSP. It fits me to a "T". I have a similar story about sharing a room on a trip, but with better results. I went with two friends to a symposium at an university. I was so afraid about rooming with them but didn't say anything. It turned out we had a two room dorm with a bathroom inbetween. I stayed in one room and they stayed in the other. While they were chatting, I read quietly and was able to relax and charge up for the next day. I also have issues with the phone and large crowd. Thanks to the both of you for teaching me about me!
You're welcome, Debbie! It sounds like you handled your roomie situation with ease and grace. It feels good to take care of our needs, doesn't it?!
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
I never thought about it before, but reading your article, I think you hit it right on the nose. I definitely see a difference between shyness and introversion. I feel both, and have grown in conquering shyness in some respects, but I will always be an introvert. I don't know if introversion helps or hinders me when I feel shy - probably hinders, because I am content not to talk to others or seek out new relationships. It is easier to give into the shyness, where it would probably be better in the long run to not give in. Does that make sense?
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Hi Jennifer, thanks for your comment! Yes, what you say does make sense to me. I think we can say to ourselves, "Well, I'm not being shy, I'm just feeling especially introverted today..." and hide behind that. Sometimes it may be 100% true; other times, we're really feeling some anxiety, and by hiding, we're not looking at the root of the anxiety head-on. That's where what you say about the long run kicks in - if we let it go unexamined too many times, we won't overcome the fear.
My feeling is that "giving in" is OK on occasion; what's important is that we don't get stuck there and use it (either introversion or shyness) as an excuse.
My recent post Can Being an Introvert Help You Overcome Shyness?
Beth, great article, and food for thought. I'm a solopreneur and an introvert, and I struggle with shyness. I've always equated the latter two, but it helps to see them as separate traits. I like the idea of shyness as something that can be overcome. On a related note, I've been reading a book called Networking for People Who Hate Networking. Among other things it teaches introverts how to play to their strengths in networking/social settings and attempts to facilitate understanding and communication between introverts and extroverts.
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