You know how sometimes a word keeps popping up over and over, so much so that you have to stop a moment and wonder why? Over the past few weeks, my word-pop has been “fierce.” It’s not a word I’ve used very much, and I’ve certainly never used to describe myself or anyone I knew.
I mean, really, come on… I’m an introvert!!
One of my clients, though, is immersing himself in claiming his fierceness. And I can understand why I’ve never claimed it for myself. When I right-click on the word, synonyms that I’m offered include “violence,” “anger” and “sternness.”
But that’s not what my client is working on. He’s exploring what it means to be fiercely authentic, honest and present. For him, it’s about trusting and living according to his highest truth, while being compassionate and open with others. Rather than roll over when others push, or act indifferent just to be the peacemaker, he wants to be fiercely HIMSELF and his truth.
This has not been without its risks. Because people were used to him being a certain way, his newly-owned fierceness took some by surprise. He may have swung the pendulum too far to the other side; some mistook fierce for harsh. It’s natural; when we’re trying to adopt a new behavior or belief, we often go to the opposite extreme, so we can eventually land in the middle sweet spot.
At this point, it’s interesting to note that he’s an extrovert, and he chose the word “fierce” to describe how he wanted to show up. That got me thinking: I never would have voluntarily chosen the word “fierce” for myself… can a “good girl” who’s also an introvert be fierce??
So I did what we do these days: I took the question to my Facebook community.
iCathy replied: “Can you be a gentle personality and be ‘fierce’? There have been times in my life when my strength of convictions made it easy for me to say ‘No’ (for example). But, there have been times when a ‘stronger’ personality or subtle pressure influenced me to make a decision I later regretted. Like your client, I want to own fierceness within myself.”
Right on! As I reflected on the question and read the Facebook comments, I started to feel a kinship with the word “fierce.” I began to see it as another way to describe my passion and conviction, but with an extra edge that made me unstoppable.
Here are more insights my fellow introverts (i) and extroverts (e) shared about the word “fierce”:
iJudy: Beth, I see “fierce” as entirely different from “harsh.” It’s a combination of powerful and passionate. It’s ideas you won’t let go of because you believe in them so much. And people can have a quiet fierceness and I think that still comes through.
iLori: Fierce doesn’t mean cruel or harsh! It means persistent, knowledgeable, valuing customers, doing what it takes to fulfill your customer’s needs. You are a force to be reckoned with, but only by your competitors!
iArden: Hmmm, I might use the word conviction. When we have conviction we speak passionately and confidently. We don’t have to force it.
eMaria: I love that word….reminds me of Christian from that past Season of Project Runway! MEE—OW!
iVal: Fierce honesty and fierce authenticity are lovely goals, unlike harshness. But of course we tend to go through a pendulum swing before finding the middle. It’s so worth working on.
A good way to learn that balance is through Non-Violent Communication classes, which helped me a lot. It teaches you assertiveness while staying loving. It helps you understand the connection and practice it in words.
eRachel: In therapy-land, we call that a “change back” reaction. 
Has your client read “The Dance of Anger”? Cause to me, “fierce” has some of the fire of anger in it, but channeled well and to a purpose.
iKris: Fierce is commitment. Harsh is selfish.
iJames: If your actions are backed by PASSION and positive intentions, then you can be as fierce as you want!
And iBarry brought up a famous introvert who’s been in the spot light lately. He wrote, “I thought I knew until I saw Zuckerberg in the Social Network…I got a long way to go. LOL” (Ha! Still need to see that movie…)
My bottom line: the more I think about it, the more I’m attracted to the word and want to claim a piece of its power for myself.
Being fierce is about being confident. Passionate. Invested. Intentional. Energetic. As Judy said, there’s a way to have a quiet fierceness that is in harmony with your introvert nature. It’s a state of mind, a way of carrying yourself. It’s about owning your choices, because they’re based in your truth.
And in my personal fierceness, there’s abundance. There’s no room for scarcity. I want to be so solid in my truth that I can share myself – or people can even take a piece of me – and I won’t fear the loss. I know that I have, and I am, more than enough.
I want to hear from you, fierce introverts! What does “fierce” mean to you?
How does your fierceness show up? Does that word even resonate with you,
or is there another one that fits better?
I embody fierceness, though I don't call it that. To be fierce without focus is like shooting bullets randomly. My strength is in my love, kindness, and assertiveness with focus. Fierce it may seem, but fierce it doesn't feel. It feels like love for myself and extension of that to others, as well as accepting love from others. I am tired of being the target of others fierceness, which to me feels like rage encapsulated in an ideal. Being strong and standing up for yourself is a wonderful privelege, but the moment it is abused, becoming the weapon against people who love and care about the "fierce" person, and reconciled as some percieved strength is when I decline the term "fierceness" to describe myself. I prefer to be strong, to be loving in that strength while standing up for myself, NOT hurling hurt at someone you love. I wonder what the term for this really is.
Words are so subjective. I think if "fierce" works for your client, or for anyone else, in terms of being fully oneself and claiming one's space in the world, by all means use it.
I think, however, that the word in general usage is not usually offered in a positive light.
To me, if someone is 'being fierce', without any qualification (for example, Judy qualifies the word when she calls it "quiet fierceness" -- and even then, it seems to convey a certain extreme intensity, or even passive aggression) means harsh, strong, over-the-top....which could be the reason your client may have gone a little too far and alienated some by his new way of being.
If what we're talking about is being fully authentic and speaking and acting completely in integrity, fierceness is not particularly necessary. Being uncompromisingly assertive never conveys "You Wanna Piece of Me?!," or "My way or the Highway."
When you know who you are and are fully self-expressed, posturing in any way to prove your "fierceness" or any other quality doesn't really come up as a consideration. You're just being yourself.
Hi Tshombe, thanks for your perspective! As you say, certain words resonate with some and not with others. "Fierce" is a word that never resonated with me until recently, because what usually came to mind was the tongue-in-cheek title I gave to this post w/"You wanna piece of me?!" - I saw it as snarky.
We are talking about being authentic and acting with integrity, and since becoming a full-time entrepreneur, I've found I need to step up my game - to be fiercely authentic, have fierce integrity, in the best sense of the word. There's no half-way. And it's funny... when I think of being fierce, even just THINK the word, my eyes change... how I see the world changes. Things seem sharper. I'm more connected. I feel a little more alive. It's not something I need to prove; it's an unflagging belief that I can do anything! :-)
My recent post You Wanna Piece of Me!- The Fierce Introvert
Isn't it amazing how a word can trigger so much conversation. I too love that you carried the Facebook conversation to your blog Beth.
One thing that the word brings to mind is how as a woman I often feel it's not appropriate to be fierce because when I'm fierce that makes me a bitch and a bitch is not OK in our society. How can we women be strong, fierce, have conviction, speak our minds and not be bitches? Is that just an internal sensor or is it still true we women have to walk a thin line between being fierce and being a ball buster. Ya know? I'd love other thoughts on that.
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Forgive me if as an etiquette consultant I shocked anyone with my perhaps not very polite words. Hard to find non-controversial words that negative things.
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Arden, I loved your comments! I don't think the word "bitch" has ever been used on my blog before, and I appreciate that you opened the gate ;-). Really, it's interesting how powerful words like "fierce" can rouse strong emotions. You bring up a great point about the stereotypes. Perhaps it looks different for women than men? Not because we have to be softer or more feminine to bow to societal expectations, but because we're just plain different! And my fierce is going to be different from yours. So what does it look and feel like for YOU? For me, being fierce is not about the other person (balls or not :-) ) ... it's about my personal energy and GOING FOR IT with my whole heart.
My recent post You Wanna Piece of Me!- The Fierce Introvert
Beth,
Wow, you really engaged us on Facebook with that question. So glad you carried the conversation over to your blog. (Perhaps that was intentional?) If so, you are really learning how too use social media. Good for you! : )
"Fierce" is a totally positive word for me. One of my favorite memoirs is called "Fierce Attachments." It's about the mother-daughter bond, but the word "fierce" in the title makes me think of how we defend and protect the ones we love, the same as we do with the ideas we love.
Great post here, Beth.
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Judy, I didn't post to FB with the intention of carrying it to a blog post, but I couldn't get the word out of my head, and I loved the discussion it provoked, so here we are! :-)
Yes, I think the way that title uses "fierce" is like a bridge between the totally negative definition and a more positive usage. When we're fierce with things, we have an intense commitment. And as entrepreneurs, we need to be fierce with our ideas... 110%!
My recent post You Wanna Piece of Me!- The Fierce Introvert
There is such sexiness to the word "fierce". It's passion, it's authenticity, it's not being afraid, it's strength.
The one place I immediately thought of where I feel fierce sometimes is at the gym. :) I feel strong and confident when I am there and when I feel fit. And it might be silly, but I love that I can do push-ups.
Everywhere else, "fierce" doesn't fit me so much. But I'd like it to! I think it has to do with, like Val said, finding the comfortable spot of being assertive while staying loving - or calm, or respectful, or professional, depending on the situation and relationship - without ever compromising saying what you really feel and asking for what you really want.
Thanks for bringing this word to my attention - I think I'm going to post it up on my inspiration corkboard - come to think of it, there have been times in negotiations where I've been fierce. Hmmm...looks like there might be a little bit of a lion in me. It's just got to come out more often. :)
Man, if I hadn't already started my Confident Introvert blog, I would totally have chosen fierce over confident! I like confident -- but fierce implies more energy and, to some extent, not exactly caring what others think of you. It's being true to yourself when surrounded by extroverts, not always easy to do.
Great post!
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You Rock Beth! Great post! Now get out there and be FIERCE! ;-)
Beth - Oh goody, I love this topic, and my chance to weigh in. I also love that it originated on your Facebook page - great integration.
Fierce for me depends upon whether it comes as a held or contained presence: I'm fiercely committed to my business's success this year; or whether it has a push with it: he fiercely replied . . .
The first thing that came to mind for me was 'tough love' which is a combo of presence and only as much push as the situation requires.
Fierce has an undeniable element of fire in it, but whether that means anger, and whether or not that is contained or projected, for me creates the distinction between effective fierce and over the top anger.
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