In the world of personal development, the phrase “step outside your comfort zone” (usually proceeded by the words “you have to”) shows up so much, I’ve decided never to use that phrase again.
After all, why would I want to step outside my comfort zone? My comfort zone is filled with dark chocolate, naps, kitty cats, my BFFs, spending a quiet evening at home and reading in my comfy chair. It’s a cozy place where, according to those who want me to step out of it, I can turn into an indifferent blob of unchallenged humanity, complete with cobwebs and a layer of dust.
Telling me to “step out” of it is telling me to do something scary. I can imagine doing the scary thing, and just like stepping on a hot summer sidewalk with bare feet, I see myself bouncing back over to the cool, comforting grass at the first opportunity.
Since telling me to “step out” has always felt admonishing (“get your rear in gear!”), I’ve taken to saying “expand” your comfort zone. Use each new experience to make the circle a little larger, to encompass more experiences. That’s felt comfortable. Until now.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
What’s wrong with “comfort” is that judgment has been wrapped around it (it is wrapped in my favorite blankie, of course!). To most people, being in the comfort zone = bad/safe, being out = good/scary.
Now I look at my comfort zone as something I need and want. It’s a safe place that recharges me. Maybe it’s my introversion coming through loud and clear 
, but I think my comfort zone is fine just where it is, thank you very much.
Recognizing that there’s still a need for an expression that indicates we’re growing, I propose stretching our CAPACITY zone. I want to expand what I’m capable of doing and being. By using the word capacity, I’m acknowledging that I have certain skills and gifts. It recognizes that I have inherent strengths. I’m perhaps not using them to full capacity, and that’s where expansion can happen.
The context shifts: instead of moving from bad/safe to good/scary, I’m moving from good to better. I’m moving from a place of power to expanded power, rather than from weakness to relative power.
The phrase “step outside” or “expand your comfort zone” might speak to some people. It’s stopped speaking to me. I’m going to start focusing on what I want to grow, building on what I already have, and adding new experiences that expand my capacity. As long as there’s dark chocolate where I’m going, I’m good.
To Consider: What strengths fall within your current Capacity Zone? Which ones do you want to expand? And what’s in your Comfort Zone that you want to enjoy more often?
PS: Today’s photo is me with Chessie (no longer with us) and my favorite blankie (still with us), napping ca. 2000, Milwaukee. Photo Credit: Andy Buelow
Wow, Beth - your words have saved me from myself! After reading this article, I notice I am breathing deeper and my shoulders have come down about 4 inches. Being an introvert as well, yet leaning toward extrovert at times, leaves me often "out there" a little too far. Comfort and an opportunity to rest and recharge is necessary in my life and your words have helped me remember what I need. I've always liked the idea of "building a bigger box" and imagining "expansion" invites me to become larger than I am right now - in a good way. And, of course, with dark chocolate! Thank you for such a helpful and enjoyable article.
Cathy, thanks for reading and commenting! I really appreciate you offering another reframe, "tapping inherent ability in a new way." It certainly follows with our coaching paradigm, doesn't it? How we see our abilities and what we're capable of is influenced by our trust (or lack thereof) in ourselves, as well as whether we're coming fear or curiosity.
This is a great post!
Both fun and real - great insight. Thanks.
The phrase "stretching capacity" is good for all of the reasons you described.
What do you think of the phrase "tapping inherent ability in new way"?
Everyone, thanks for your comments! I love the conversation this post has stimulated :-)
cb, sounds like we have a lot in common! I think what you describe re: the "shoulds" is true for young and old, and even among those who embrace their introversion (umm, me sometimes!). Here's to expanding capacity and enjoying comfort!
Cindy, I'm so glad my blog is providing good conversation fuel! And congrats on supporting your son as he figures out what works for HIM and his energy.
Judy, great point about capacity and what that means. We can stretch it to include not only the "scary" things but the things we WANT. For myself, I think of learning a foreign language to some basic proficiency. Definitely a capacity stretch! Thanks for that twist on the idea!
Arden, I so appreciate your perspective... especially since I witness your stepping out on a regular basis. It sounds like you honor your comfort zone while stepping out of it, so you don't have guilt or negativity attached to it. You see it as the place where you recharge, not where you stay "small." Lovely!
Patty, you raise another twist on the word capacity, with your mention of quantity and what we as introverts can take on. We can take better care of ourselves when we acknowledge our capacity and know when it's being stretched. Then we can choose to stretch, or choose to retreat and honor our creature comforts (or do both!). The key is being intentional about it! And thanks for liking the picture :-) I dare say, that blanket is like my security blanket! Everyone should have one!
Hmm. Interesting.
I agree that comfort zone = good and necessary. And I'm not crazy about the whole idea of "stepping *outside* of it." That sounds way too scary and dangerous.
I prefer the idea of *expanding* my comfort zone. Each time I stretch it (by doing something scary) it grows a bit, until things that used to be scary become no big deal. And I agree with Arden here: if I just stayed within my comfort zone, I'd never get anywhere.
Capacity is an interesting word. I immediately thought of capacity in terms of quantity - as in "how much I could handle." Which, as an introvert, is critical. Because there are definitely times when something - say, attending a weekend workshop - is not uncomfortable (even kinda fun) - but eventually, I reach the limits of my capacity. I can't be around people for one moment longer. I need to retreat and get some alone time to recharge.
Thought provoking post!
Also: I love that photo of you napping with your kitty!
I love what you've said here! I'm very grateful to be able to recognize my comfort zone (VERY similar to yours, including kitties) and enjoy it for what it is. Many, many young introverts feel bad about their comfort zone and think they "should" be going out all the time and "should" have a certain number of friends because everyone's always telling them that their comfort zone is bad.
I definitely have some things to expand in my capacity zone, but I look forward to lots more time in my comfort zone, complete with family, close friends, kitties, blogging, and - dark chocolate. :)
Beth,
I might have to disagree with you. I think as entrepreneurs we consistently step out of our comfort zones. You would not be the successful business owner that you are if you weren't pushing your comfort zone. I understand what you mean by "capacity zone", but it doesn't cover everything. I'm capable of much, but my fear will keep me in my comfort zone if I don't challenge it.
Almost every day as a businesss owner I am faced with something that takes me from the lap of comfort and pitches me headlong into my fears - whether it's making sales calls, speaking to a really big group, stating my rate to someone who I'm worried can't pay it, etc, etc.
Would I rather be in my comfort zone? You bet? If I stayed there would I be a successful business owner? No. So, I step out of my comfort zone as needed to move forward and I then retreat to my comfort zone for renewal. Couch, cats, chocolate are all part of that! Hooray!
Thanks for the thought provoking post.
I recall that discussion on Biznik about comfort zones. It is amazing what changing one word can do. (I shouldn't
be amazed at that because I am a copywriter!)
I have struggled with this all my life. My place of comfort is a good book, a comfy chair and rain on the roof (and it used to be my cat Nuz curled up on my life before he left us). It is being alone with my own thoughts. Thinking deeply Creating.
Why would I want to leave that?
But expanding my capacity so I am comfortable doing things I never thought I could do? That's perfect.
I do have to say, though, why expand your capacity simply in order to do things that you really don't want to do? A complicated thing, this one-word change. : )
thank you Beth - you always write what I feel - it took me 53 years to realize that being an introvert is "normal and okay" instead of some kind of freakish anomaly. My youngest son (age 20) is the same and I have been discussing your blogs with him to let him know that he is normal. He is in college and is very social but needs time to "recharge" and a lot of his friends don't get that and hassle him about it. Thank you for helping him understand himself in this crowded, crazy world! Cindy
